Consistency and Structure...Ouch!

Those of that you that have had the misfortune to meet with, interact or even work with me will know that I am not a structured, system-based or finite person. It annoys the f..k out of some people but I am ok with being me, structured or not. Religiously doing things at set times on a regular basis bores the pants out of me...am I scared, am I rebel, am I stubborn? The answer could well be yes to all three. I feel that the more systematic I become, the less the real Peter is on show as I am merely playing a role to tick the box in some system or other.

In my youth I was so insecure and always wanted to be someone else. Someone who had better clothes, someone who had a better football, someone who was not so poor, the list was endless. There was never time to be me as I was constantly trying to be someone else. During my recovery from alcoholism, I have accepted myself to a degree that I love being me 24/7, warts and all as the saying goes. When I look in the mirror, I see an ordinary guy who does his best every day. Nothing more.

I have suffered and created enemies, just by wanting to be myself, but the journey has been worthwhile. I have learnt to question everything, if you don't know, ask! If it does not make sense, ask! If you think it is wrong or right, ask! I will also accept the consequences for my actions.

You may be thinking, where is this going and what the hell has it got to do with Parkinson's? Well, this Parkinson's malarkey has brought my pet hates to the centre of my life...exercise, structure and consistency....ouch!

I have completed numerous marathons in my youth, played a decent standard of football and at my time time of life, enjoy couch-testing more than testing my muscles. Parkinson's has forced me to exercise more and I have been consistent since diagnosis, using the rowing machine daily and also swimming daily. Alas then there is the structure....

My doctoral supervisors have been prodding and poking me towards structure for the last couple of years and they have made great progress with this stubborn alcoholic but Parkinson's has really forced me to become more structured. If I do not take my Levodopa at the same times everyday, it can destroy my day and make me feel so yucky. Yesterday was one of those days when my lack of structure cost me dearly. When the Levodopa is in my system, my body functions relatively normally, when it wears off, I get some coordination issues...(it's called off-time in Parkinson talk) was you can imagine is not to helpful on the golf course.

I decided in my infinite wisdom to alter the timings of my tablets yesterday to try and get the most out of the game and to avoid too much off-time. I failed miserably. I took the initial tablet a bit later than normal, then I took the Thiamin without food and finally took the next Levodopa again at a the wrong time. The result was horrendous. On the third hole of the back nine, I chipped onto the green, then walked to the buggy, totally forgetting to putt! The nausea and light-headedness was no fun, I tried to continue but had to give up and sit in the buggy for the last five holes.

Yes, Parkinson's is like having the most insecure, micro-manager nagging in your ear about his latest KPI, but the Lesson Learned is consistency and structure are needed at certain times Peter!

Today is a new day and I feel much better, the structured part of me is winning today.